Once your child hits the teenage years, you will probably notice some changes in their behavior. It can be challenging and stressful for parents to deal with a teenager, so here we have some tips to help you handle the difficult moments.
1. Let them grow up
Your teenager may start to rebel against you as they get older and want to do their own thing. Let them have some independence, within reason, and let them go out alone with their friends. Unless their behavior is really becoming problematic, try to leave them alone. The more you persist and nag at them, the more likely they are to revolt.
2. Avoid arguing
If you and your teenager are disagreeing about something, it can be difficult not to get angry and shout. However, this is one of the worst things you can do, as it will just cause your child to get angrier, and you might end up saying something you don’t mean. Whilst it can be hard, it’s better to take some time out to calm down, then have a proper discussion later on.
3. Allow your child to experiment safely
If your teenager wants to experiment and starts showing risky behavior, try and help them channel this into something safer. If they want to start changing their appearance, let them wear different makeup or color their hair for example. Or go shopping for new clothes together if this is something your teenager would enjoy. These are great ways to give your teen some independence without any danger, unlike getting a piercing or a tattoo for example. If your child is becoming interested in the idea of experimenting with alcohol or drugs, they could perhaps try a new exciting sport to get their thrills in a safer way. Something like sailing or mountain biking could be a great new hobby for thrill-seeking teenagers.
4. Allow yourself time to relax and de-stress
Parenting a teenager can be stressful and exhausting at times. Try to set aside time for yourself each day, when you can do a favorite activity or just have some quiet time alone. Don’t feel ashamed about treating yourself from time to time if you feel you need it. Try to remember that your teenager will become an adult soon and the phase of challenging behavior will pass.
5. Reward your teen
You might find it helpful to praise your teen for co-operating with you. Get them a small gift once in a while, or make their favorite meal for dinner if they have had a good day. This will make them feel more positive, and more likely to keep behaving well. Buzzparent is a parenting website with lots of great gift ideas for children of all ages from babies to teenagers. You’ll also find parenting tips and advice to help with all stages of your child’s development.
5. Try and keep calm
Many teenagers behave badly because they want to feel more in control and fight for power. It’s important not to let your child see that they are getting to you with their bad behavior, as this will make them feel like they’ve won. No matter how angry or upset you are becoming, take some time out to cool off. You’ll be able to think more clearly if you can keep reasonably calm, rather than acting on impulse.
6. Be assertive
Parents need to effectively communicate with their teenage children, although this can be difficult, to begin with. Make sure you explain the consequences if your child doesn’t do what you have agreed they would. You also need to make sure you listen to your child if and when they want to talk, especially about important matters. Try to let them finish what they are saying without interrupting, and offer your point of view afterward.
7. Create a set of house rules
Pick a suitable time for the family to sit down together and set out a list of rules. Try not to be unreasonable – this is a great way to discuss with your teenager what is acceptable and what isn’t. Teenagers might deliberately try and challenge the rules, so it’s important to be firm and consistent when enforcing the rules. You need to find a line between disciplining your teenager too much and too little. With too much discipline, your teenager will become more and more frustrated, and will just want to rebel against you even more. They might also miss out on important developmental milestones if you don’t let them get out and get involved in different activities. At the same time, you shouldn’t fear to discipline your teenager as this can have consequences, too.
Hopefully, some of these tips have been helpful to you as the parent of a teenager. Remember, no matter how challenging your teen’s behavior may seem just now, it is a normal part of growing up. Your teenager will soon grow into an adult and their hormones will settle down. As with all stages, children go through, the difficult behaviors of teenagers will soon pass, so try not to worry that your teen is going to grow into a difficult adult.
Emily Dick is a mom and has several years of experience being a parent. She currently holds an Honors Degree in social science from the Open University. She lives in Scotland, raising her daughter Daisy, aged 2, and her two cats.
Emily is new to the world of writing and blogging, and currently writes for buzzparent.com on topics such raising children, kids toys, ranging from baby to toddler discourse. Her love of animals and children has made her one of the main writers for Buzzparent.
There are many areas that interest her, and she is always researching about new topics learning from the best in the industry and is a big fan of ted.com, which is where all the best in the business share their thoughts about topics of interest. She believes that everything is interconnected in ways both visible and invisible, but what remains constant is that nothing is actually constant, especially in parenting.
Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners. Taking that note, I always ask myself how to raise a boy with such manners? I am a mother of 3 boys and raising them is never easy at all. I am going through hell just to keep my kids out from the world full of temptations and undesirable circumstances. But I am managing to raise them and instill in their innocent minds that life is being measured not with how much wealth a person is able to accumulate but rather with how a man lives harmoniously in the society.
And in the hustle and bustle of daily life, busy moms and dads don’t always have the time to focus on etiquette and manners. There are few of them that do not and did not even have the luxury of time to spend with their kids and just teach them the norms of this living world. Discipline should start at home. Teach your kids especially with your boys that behaving politely is a way of life. Good manners are a good habit. Kids who aren’t taught social graces from an early age are at a distinct disadvantage. An ill-mannered child is a turn-off to adults and kids alike; while children aren’t likely to be offended by a playmate who neglects to say “excuse me,” or “please”, they don’t relish the company of a child who doesn’t know how to share or take turns.
By that, I believe that raising a boy or your kids with manners will help them in coming up with how drastic the environment we live in changes from one era to another. Make your kids see how they behave affects the people around them. Teach them the golden rule: “Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you”. It’s the best way for them to live at peace.
Acquiring good manners takes lots of practice and reinforcement, so make sure that you, your partner, and your caregiver are encouraging and discouraging the same behaviors. Always have the authority to tell them what is good to do and not good to do.
Here are a few manners kids should know by the age of 12.
When you ask for something say “please” or “may I”
When you receive something always say “thank you”.
When grown-ups are talking never interrupt. If what you need to say is important and you need to get the grown-ups attention right away say “excuse me”.
If you have nothing nice to say it’s best to say nothing at all. (keep your negative opinions to yourself)
Never comment on a persons’ appearance (physical or mental) in a negative way. (Again keep your comments to yourself.)
Table Manners (May I be excused, Blessing before you eat, napkin in the lap, chew with your mouth closed, don’t talk with food in your mouth, use your napkin to wipe your mouth.)
Open doors for adults, elderly, women, girls. (Rule applies to boys mostly.)
Yes Sir, No Sir, Yes Ma’am, No Ma’am
When a door is closed, knock before entering.
When you sneeze, cough or burp – cover your mouth/nose.
When you see someone struggling to do something ask if they need help.
When you play with something, put it back when you are done.
Help set the dinner table.
Always ask for permission before doing something.
These are just a few that come to mind when thinking what manners I want to instill in my children before they reach the age of 12. Raising a boy who learns the manners above is on his way to growing up to be a gentleman. Others may mention the noises boys love to make. Of course, there is a time and place for those, but sometimes boys need reminding.
Do you know of a manner that you use that wasn’t mentioned above? Please let us know.
When you become a mom bonding with them is sometimes natural. The feeling your heart feels is like a feeling you’ve never felt before. You thought to fall in love with a spouse or significant other was overwhelming but you have no idea until you meet your little one for the very first time. The feeling is indescribable. You will protect him or her from anyone or anything that may want to harm or misguide them. Sometimes life gets in the way and we lose track of bonding with him because we are too focused on the distractions around us. Today, I wanted to share 10 ways you can bond with your son that I think you will enjoy as well as them.
1. Reading – Having a special reading time together. This could be 15 minutes or more a day or pick one day a week that you will devote that time to just him. Let him read to you or if younger you read to him.
2. Coloring – Coloring for younger kids can be fun and relaxing for you. Just to take a few minutes or more to color a picture together or draw together.
3. Movie Time – Let him pick a movie and have a movie afternoon or night, possibly on the weekend just for you and him. Talk about the movie afterward if he’s old enough.
4. In the Kitchen – Boys love to see mom in the kitchen making goodies, lunch or dinner and sometimes want to pitch in. Create a fun dish together, bake cookies, cupcakes, cake and let them decorate it.
6. Build a Fort – This is one of my favorites that requires little effort but much fun. Building a fort in the house is super fun and easy. Grab some blankets, chairs, pillows and get to building your fort. This could be a hiding place for him, a place he can read books, or just talk and play with toys.
7. Talk – There is nothing a child loves to do more than talk. It seems they are full of millions of questions and before you can answer one he is asking you another.
8. Outdoors – There is nothing more a boy likes than to spend some time outdoors. It could be playing in the dirt, bird watching, going on a nature walk, blowing bubbles, swinging, playing hide and seek. There is so much you can do outside.
9. Teach him something New – Boys have curious little minds. They love to see how things work and love to ask you why. Take the time and teach him something new.
10. Mother & Son Date – This could be a road trip, ice cream, movies, miniature golf, go-carts, library, Fire Station, Police Station, a trip to the pet store.
These are just 10 ideas that I came up with but the options are unlimited on ways you can spend time with your son and bond with him. The most important things to remember is one on one time, and making it all about him. Let him take the lead if old enough to pick the place or thing he wants to do with you. Maybe he wants to show you something new or something that is really cool to him. Just remember to take time to avoid distractions, cell phone, house phone, or other interruptions that can easily distract you and him from bonding.
If you have some ideas that you love doing with your son I would love to hear them. Just comment below and share your ideas.
There is not a more innocent period in life than childhood. Just remember how children see the world through rose-colored glasses and don’t feel threatened by anything at all. Although this way of living is impossible in adult years and could even be dangerous, it’s natural that we are still attracted by it. Why is that so? The answer is simple – such a way of thinking allows children to be constantly happy and unburdened by heavy thoughts. So, would you like to be a child again? Yes! We know, but sadly you can’t. However, what you can do is surround yourself with children instead. And, one of the best ways to do so is by working with them, so let’s see how.
Children make you more patient
One of the most important characteristics of a good teacher is patience. However, even if you’re not born with it, don’t worry, children will help you develop it fast. Just after a few hours spent in their company, you’ll realize that you have to answer thousands of questions one after another. At first, this may sound like a nightmare, but after a while, you’ll start enjoying it and realize that your answers make the children happy since their curiosity is finally satisfied.
You’ll develop your imagination
No matter whether you’re a kindergarten teacher or you work with children in some other way, one thing is certain – be ready to develop your imagination. You’ve probably forgotten about all the superheroes from your childhood, however, spending time with children will certainly connect you with your inner child and bring those memories back. You’ll discover how you still enjoy stories about their superpowers and crazy adventures, which can still spark your imagination and make you feel fulfilled in a special way.
You have an opportunity to guide their education
No matter whether you work in a primary or secondary school, you’ll have an opportunity to guide children’s development and help them acquire all the necessary tools for their future education. And, believe it or not, there is nothing more rewarding than knowing that your teaching has influenced somebody to pursue a career in a certain field and do something important later in their life. However, if you don’t feel completely confident when working with children, there is no need to be desperate, since you can always opt for some of the amazing government funded courses which will help you understand children and their educational needs better.
Their sincerity will be refreshing
Are you sick of being lied to? If you are, it’s time to start working with children. Their honest approach will remind you that the world is not such a bad place after all. Furthermore, it can help you understand the importance and beauty of sincerity which you can pass on to other adults in your surroundings. It’s actually quite interesting how many things we can learn from children, so working with them can be regarded as a mutually beneficial relationship.
Children will help you stay active and healthy
Working with children is beneficial to our health as well since they truly know how to make us run all over the place. So, if you don’t have the time to do some exercises or go to the gym, you won’t suffer the consequences since you are literally surrounded with your small personal trainers who will keep you on your feet all day long. Finally, you’ll have a chance to feel like a child again and enjoy numerous gamessuch as hide-and-seek or tag.
As you can see, working with children has many benefits, both for your mental and physical health. So, not only will you help them find the right path in their life, but they will help you as well. You’ll see that only a couple of hours spent in their company are enough to make you feel fulfilled and get a more positive perspective on the world.
What do you do when the day comes that your child professes to hate something they actually love just to get a rise out of you as a parent? Do you take away that thing they love, so they don’t continue to play the “let’s see what happens when I lie” game? Do you talk to them, again, about what lying means? You wonder how you ever got to this point.
The truth is that parents lie, too, for different reasons at different times. It could be as simple as “Santa is real” to honor a generational tradition. What’s so wrong with a little wonder and make-believe? Another time would be where the dog went to a big farm where he can play all day long — to give your child something happier to think about other than death because maybe they (and you) aren’t ready for that conversation. You might lie about fighting with your spouse or even why you’re getting a divorce — some things children don’t have to know.
All parents have used this at some point: “If you don’t stop this behavior/come with me right now, I will leave you, here, by yourself.” They might replace that last threat with another, such as no television. There may be a treat offered for compliance, instead. Children pay attention to false promises, and they remember.
Remember the lie about the dog on the farm? Replace that with a dying father. The child might get a similar lie. Now imagine the child thirty years later, realizing what happened and likely the good intention behind the lie — but the lie was too big, robbing the child of the chance to say goodbye to a beloved parent. That closure was in their right and ripped away.
You’d never lie about something big like that, right? It depends on the situation and the child’s age. Another lie, although a much less serious one, comes about when your child loses a tooth. Sure, you might have to go to the scary dentist’s office, but if you place the tooth under your pillow, you get some spending money. Complications arise when other kids at school are getting more tooth cash, and you offer to have a conversation with the tooth fairy on your child’s behalf.
The tooth fairy is an unusual myth, but it is an amalgamation of many myths told to children around the world. In Europe, children would bury baby teeth in the garden to “grow” in their new teeth, and as populations rose and gardens became rare, children buried the tooth under their pillow instead.
It’s funny that over the centuries, parents evolve the old folklore and perpetuate the lie. It’s one that everyone is in on eventually and one that doesn’t hurt anyone in the long run. That makes it easier to accept over time. It’s also a more comfortable for a parent to be accountable for that kind of lie.
Most parents are quick to admit that they fib about the little things. You might tell your child they sound amazing on an instrument when it feels like your ears are bleeding. Parents might lie about what’s for dinner to stop the whining so they can cook and put healthy food in their kid’s stomach. It’s easier to lie in these cases.
Such things build though. Kids are smart. When they pick up on your lies, you have to be accountable for them, just as you expect your child to be responsible, too.
Truth-Telling Is Integral to Trust
Some truths aren’t age-appropriate, and it’s difficult to know what angle or measure of truth a child is ready to experience given their few years of life experience. When will they uncover the truth of your lie or spun truth, and will they understand and accept it? Are you willing to apologize for any consequences that result from feelings of anger, grief or disappointment that arise, whether that truth reveals itself hours or years later?
When you fight with your spouse, and say it’s not your child’s fault but offer no to little detail, the child is still left wondering what happened and why. Some details are not appropriate for a child’s ears, and your kids are certainly not the people you want to vent to.
However, talking about the fact that sometimes disagreements happen is an excellent teaching moment. Otherwise, when they experience continual discord without explanation, children feel like soldiers in the middle of combat, literally, according to researchers.
Truth-telling is integral to trust — maintaining and developing it — in the parent-child relationship. What truths are your child ready to understand? Why not hear them out instead of assuming what your child is or isn’t prepared for?
Introducing Difficult Truths to Your Child
Introduce information slowly into the conversation and see how they react. Teach them to practice active listening to use their skills of reasoning and deduction. Ask them: What do you think this means? In your words, can you explain your understanding of what’s happened? Do you have any questions?
Let your child feel safe. There are no wrong answers. Your child may surprise you with their capacity for empathy and mental and emotional processing skills. Children want and deserve to know how a situation or event affects them. Only they can do that processing.
It’s not fair to your child to control their mental or emotional processing. Give your kid more credit, and have them try on the truth one small step at a time.
Lies happen, but both parents and children must be accountable. There are times when it’s okay to lie to your children and even instances when society expects it, such as continuing a traditional, magical belief in the tooth fairy. There are times when it’s not okay to lie to a child, such as why a parent passed away and where they went afterward.
You can’t predict how your lies will affect a child, but you should trust them to judge what they are and are not ready for. Introduce difficult truths into the conversation in small chunks. See how they handle it. Breaching the parent-child trust bond is a serious offense, and remember, kids are whip-smart.
If you’re like most people —present company excluded, of course—you probably don’t write anything more than you need to for work or school. The idea of adding more writing in the form of journaling might just feel like more homework, especially for kids who probably already have tons to do, courtesy of their teachers.
Journaling, privately or publically, can actually have a number of benefits for your child or children as they’re growing up. How can journaling help your children?
It Improves Communication Skills
Have you ever felt like you communicate so much better in text than you do in when you’re speaking? That’s because writing something down or typing it out gives you a chance to go over what you’re saying to make sure it sounds good and makes sense. We don’t get that opportunity when we’re speaking — even if you take the time to consider your answer to something, you are still expected to respond much more quickly than you would otherwise.
The same thing goes for kids — especially younger kids who are just starting to expand their vocabulary. Instead of getting frustrated because they can’t remember a word, they can take the time they need to puzzle things out and put together a coherent statement.
It Helps Your Child Deal With Their Emotions
Teenage years and the preteen years that lead up to them are filled with raging hormones, changing bodies and a whole range of new emotions that most kids don’t have the experience to comprehend or the vocabulary to explain.
You try explaining your first crush in 50 words or less, using the vocabulary of your average 11-year-old. Be prepared for lots of “I don’t knows” and the kind of exasperated sighs that only a preteen can pull off.
A journal helps counter this by giving them a place where they can figure out their own emotions, on their own time, without worrying about condescending explanations from mom and dad or judgments from siblings or friends.
If you grew up in the ‘90s, your private journal probably came from the Lisa Frank collection, complete with neon-colored animated animals and a totally secure lock you swore was necessary to keep nosy siblings out of your private thoughts. Lisa Frank might not be popular with today’s kids, but the concept is the same — a safe place for your children to write out their thoughts so they can learn to deal with their emotions.
It can be beneficial for adults, as well. By journaling about your day, your emotions or your behaviors, you can start making more sense of your own state of mind and help manage your habits. More than 50 percent of our everyday behavior is habitual or habit-based, so writing them down makes it easier to keep track of both good and bad habits.
It Improves Writing Skills
Even in today’s technologically immersed world, the ability to write coherently is an invaluable skill. Even if your children never put pen to paper again after high school, they will still need to know how to communicate coherently in writing by email and other forms of electronic communication.
It also becomes a valuable skill for anyone seeking higher education. You will write more than you could possibly imagine in your quest to obtain a degree.
For children, writing daily in a journal is a great way to improve those writing habits, especially while they’re younger. It turns writing into a tool rather than a chore that they have to complete just to make it through their school days.
Kids are inherently curious, so try setting your children up with a curiosity journal where they can write down their observations of the world. This is a great way to encourage conversation between you and your children as well. Encourage them to make their own observations, but be open to explanations if they encounter something they are unable to decipher on their own.
It Encourages and Improves Handwriting Skills
Handwriting is a dying art. Kids know how to text by the age of 3, but can’t even sign their name because cursive is no longer taught in schools. Journaling, especially if your children are writing in a paper notebook, encourages them to utilize and improve their handwriting skills.
Writing by hand tends to make you more thoughtful as well, because you have to slow down your thought processes to match thespeed of your handwriting. You might be able to type 90 words per minute, but even the fastest scribbler can only manage 10-15 words per minute with a pen and paper.
Even some of the greats like author Neil Gaiman still write their first drafts by hand before they ever sit down in front of a computer to type up a story.In the digital age, handwriting is still vitally important, and you can help your children improve without one handwriting lesson simply by encouraging them to journal their thoughts.
Writing doesn’t have to be a chore or something that causes anxiety and afternoon homework battles. Encourage your children to write whenever and wherever the mood strikes them. This could be a creative story about the squirrels at the local playground or a piece about the leaves that are changing as the seasons move from summer to fall — at least if you’re lucky enough to live somewhere that the leaves actually do change.
The key to successful journaling, and getting all the benefits from it for your child, is to ignore the rules. Sure, you want to make sure they know proper grammar and spelling, but other than that let their imagination run wild. Children are flowers that should be encouraged to bloom however they see fit, not forced to grow in boxes like those weird square watermelons they grow in Japan. These are the minds that are supposed to be shaping our future — shouldn’t we be encouraging them to think as far outside the box as humanly possible?
Hey, I’m Toni and I’m the mama of 3 Little Birds. I love Writing about Parenting, Health, Recipes and Crafts, the life of a Mum and more. Learn more about me here Grab a Tea or Coffee and come see what you find.